1/8/09

I admire people who are happily married for years. Charlie and I make a point to talk to lots of older couples at our church and ask them about their marriages, not in a creepy "hi, I am Autumn and I need to know the secret to your 40 year union? Thanks!" but just once we have gotten to know someone we both try to urge out a little information. My findings are... 1. the longer they have been married and the more successful the marriage the less prodding needed to get them to open up about the good and bad times. 2. there are always bad times of some measure 3. (this one really got me!) they all said that they had time that wasn't good, and the time was counted in years.In the dating world this wouldn't happen, a bad week in college and its over, a bad month and your killing yourself to stay with this person; there isn't the mentality to stay no matter what. I swear, every time I talk to couple they look at each other and get a sweet sore look in their eyes and say "yes the 1-5 years (or 2-7th or 12-14th...) were pretty tough". The other thing is they make no apologies, no trying to cover this, no "but seriously it really is perfect now" it is just a season in their relationship that they weathered and came through. Things are great right now for us, 6 whole months in. But marriage has this funny thing about it...you can't leave. You share a car, a home, a bank account and everything in yourself. There is no way out. That thought catches in my throat sometimes, but then when I think back to these beautiful couples with wrinkled hands and adorned left ring fingers I know these thoughts aren't new, my thoughts aren't the first, I am not the first young wife wondering just when it will get bad or if I can really do this. The spring time growing season we are in now is wonderful but I take great comfort and have faith that even when all the leaves fall off and were left bald and stripped ugly we will have faith and love and the assurance that the vows we made are true. And I will know that the spring time I experienced in those first few months (years I hope) will be just around the corner.